When I decided to come to USA! 

                                                                      16 Years            18 Years      18+? Years                                                                                  

I decided to assemble this site to share the story of my life with my immediate family. Soon or later, my children and grandchildren would want to know about me. Hopefully by the time, I unfold the real story of my past, I have met some of their curiosities and answered some of their questions. I was Born in Kashan. Like everyone else, I have had to deal with lots of obstacles in my lifetime especially when I was living in Iran. I was raised in the city of Arak. Leaving and being raised in that part of the world it is not easy. When I look back and take the inventory of my childhood, I am surprised that I managed to stay alive. Later on I will reveal my childhood story.  

After I finished high school, I decided to come over to US to study engineering. In March of 1965, when I was 21 years old I left Iran and headed to America looking for new challenges. My original game plans was to come over for a short period to study mechanical engineering. My goal was to earn a Bachelor of Science degree ASAP and then retune to the old country to serve and help Iranian people. This was a big a promise to my grieving family, whom had a second tough for allowing me to departure. My mother was devastated to deal with notion of this separation. The rest of families were upset over my intention to come here. Although, I was dealing with a great deal of anxiety; I was determined to achieve my decision by coming here. For the entire year, my mom was dealing with the great deal of depression and anxiety over this decision. There was not a day that she did not cry over my plan to leave and come over to USA. I used every possible tool to sell my future blueprint plans to the member of families. I tried hard to minimize the dust of tension among my family and friends. One day, my uncle came to me and said, “ Abbas aren’t you afraid for making this wild decision?” Following day my Aunt Mansuer who was morning over my firm decision with the eyes of full of tears came over said “ Honey look, this is a big jump, please change your mind and give everyone a peace of mind”. Although I was paranoid my self deep inside, I was insisting more to mange to departed and come over to USA. There was not a night that I did not have a nightmare and apprehension. My dad was extremely upset and angry over my resistances and determination. Was not a day that he did not angrily approaching me and shouting in my ears “ Son, If you were smart enough you would been able to be admitted in the colleges in this country.”

He added “You are stupid, confused you do not know what the hell you are doing- you will never be successful, regardless where ever you go”! Although my heart was burning inside but I was holding my fake smile.  That type of reflection from my Dad was not unusual. I had no choice to deal and dance around his reaction.  But, I was determined that I am will be able to meet future challenges. 

Loudly he yelled over and over for almost entire year that the decision that I have made is an admission to the hell.   My dad was a very smart man, but unfortunately he never allowed us to be close to him. He was strong advocate of getting higher education. He preached to all of us over and over that the key to the happy life is to earn a college degree. He firmly believed a diploma is a ticket to bright future.   One day, I told him dad look it is impossible to be admitted to Teheran University. According to you I will not a have a life without a college degree, so the only chance that I have is to leave and attend one of colleges in the foreign lands. He was grounding his teeth and madly  he replied, I am disappointed that you were unsuccessful  to be admitted to one of the colleges here. Sadly, I said what do you want me to do? He rolled his eyes and shook his head and left. Although, I was used to my dad’s attitude with the eyes full of tear I went to my room. 

With the help of my mom, we tired to convince my Dad for approval. As a young and confused, I did not know what does my dad wants to do. He was determined I should have a college degree, but did not how .  Moreover, the government also was after me to go to army to serve for two years. The military deal was that they wanted me to go to very unknown villages of Iran to teach their people about reading, writing and more. The salary range was about $10-$12 month. Usually those villages were Located at deserted part of country. They people of those type villages were 100% illiterate. They had no electricity, no running water and not an adequate food.  They had no axis to medicine or Doctors. They lived in a small shelter made out of mod and no idea what is going on outside of their village. Actually, when you go there they expect you to serve as a doctor, religion leader, consoler, policemen, judge and also teach them how to read. The images of spending two years of my life with the bunch of cave people for two years was very upsetting. The idea to live in an abounded part of country that you have to ride mule to reach there was scary. How can you teach these people was asking myself, I do not have any skills of counseling, policing, judging and more? Actually, they were expecting for me to be almost a God to run and rule this abandoned unfortunate people. There was not a night that I did not wake up with feeling of sweating, frustration and nightmare.  There was not a day that I did not deal with headache and emotional pain. Unfortunately, no one wanted to listen to me. I was very confused and was determine to leave the country ASAP.

After months of selling approach, my dad finally looked at my eyes and silently nods his head. We knew that signal meant it is Ok. But boy, that approval was like some one hitting me on the head with the slag hammer. He said in order to get ready we must deal with lot of expenses and lot of political red tape. Next day he came over said to be able to leave the country there is lot of obstacles ahead of you. Among those, are the retrieving an American visa, obtaining permission from Iranian government because my military drafting and more. He replied “I am not taking any responsibility for those that you have to deal .  In addition he said I have some rules that Abbas must take the responsibility to follow and meet my expectations. 

 He said there are 5 rules that you must promise and swear before my final approval:

I.                               Must going with the 100% intention to study and graduate with the degree in engineering

II.                            Must finish your education in four years and retrieve BS degree

III.                         Must promise to return to your country and serve your fellow Iranian

IV.                        Must not think and attempt by getting married during the course of studding. specially a marriage with an American citizen 

V.                           Must not participate to any political organization activities

He walked a way away while I was saying OK. I knew the difficult path to just clear it to exit the country was extremely difficult. I thought over and over may be I should change my mind. On the other hand I was not sure if I stay what kind of life will be ahead of me. Finally, after I talked to my mom and received her commitment to help me out with so many obstacles to be able to depart were promising. I did not know exactly how hard was to go through Iranian government to get the passport and permission to leave. There were mountains of red tape that we had to deal with. Fortunately the power of bribing helped us to climb on the top of those difficult mountains. But it took six months of running from one government office to other with suitcase of money that was managed to kill one of the obstacles. I gave my mom big credit to execute that task with her determination, charms and handing out money as a bribe. 

Next major, obstacle was to dealing with American consolers to obtain a visa. Fortunately, those days, there were several American embassy located in the large cities that handle the visa issues. Through, grapevine we learned it is easier to go to small town to apply for the visa. We decided to go to Esfehan, which is 300 miles south of Arak. In our first visit he gave us big package containing the information and application forms in English. No knowing any English, we were unable to read or write. Finally, some one in town whom was fluent in English helped us to understand the procedures, rules and other issues. In order to grant a temporary visa they had several major requests. To provide the evidence of the substantial amount of money in our bank account that guarantees that economically I would be home free. The other was an admission confirmation from the accredited college from US. Those days, there was not any Iranian resided in USA. After a great deal of investigation, which we found out that one of our old friends had a son that resided in USA. Desperately, we contacted him for a big favor and assistance. His name was Mansur, whom used to live in Greensboro NC. After so many desperate to him he agreed to help me out.   

Soon He managed to provide all of necessary documentation including the admission from colleges in US for me. He also promised he would be my mentor and would assisted me to get started. I was touched to receive that kind of kindness from an old friend that hardly did know. As soon we received all of the documentation, we traveled back to Esfehan US embassy. We stayed there in a small hotel for a week. Every day I had to go for the various interviews. Ali, my brother was a baby, so we had to carry him around every day. Most of time was uneasy for him to deal with such a long day running around. That week was stressful, but dealing with the consoler I was touched. This was the first time I had an opportunity to closely deal with an American. He was polite, cooperative and forward and was following the rules of US to grant the visa. I was not used to such a dedication in Iranian societies. That kind of exposure added it more encouragement and helped me to minimize my fears. I was telling myself, I would be going to be the part a society that they have such dynamic personalities. Finally, after, American official received all of the necessary paperwork, he shook my had and replied “ congratulations and then stamped my passport- enjoy your stay.” That accomplishment was very fulfilling after eight months of daily running around. My mom was the champion to help out for the execution of that impossible mission. Without my Dad’s generosities it was impossible to climb to the top of mountain of difficulties. The patient of my 2 years old brother was not unrecognized. Although, I was happy, but my anxiety and fear were killing me. I tried very hard to hide that feeling among the family members and friends. There was not a night that I did not wake up and ask myself—what happens if I fail? I came close to a decision to reveal that I am afraid and I do not want to go. When friends and family heard about the impossible accomplishment they showed sign of happiness. But the apprehensions of dealing with such an unknown journey were bothering them. When my dad heard about the news, I did not see any reactions. I was not sure about his thoughts and game plans. I was not allowed to have a one on one with him. I wanted to know, while I am starting life here the amount of financial aid that I can receive from him. I was troubled to ask, because he used to yell if he was not ready. So, I waited to see when he wants to confirm his financial commitment.

After a week he sat with my mother and me to review the plan- he name it the crazy journey. He went back to remind me and walk me through his Five Rules. He told me firmly if by any means I break any of his rules, not only he would freeze his financial support, but he also will disown me. He added it that you will not be counted as my son and don’t want to do with you any more. He agreed that he would send $100 per month to me as a financial support for at least two years. The $100 was lot of money back in mid sixty in Iranian currency.  He also promised to pay for the trip and $3000 cash to carry that with me. I was touched over his kid generosity. Following week he converted Iranian currency to American dollars. He brought them home to teach me about handling of dollars. I had never seen such a currency. I was asking why $100 and $10 dollars bill almost identical?

 The Family!   

  While my dad was 19 years old and my mother was 13 they get married. It was not unusable they have had an arranged marriage those days. Strangely, They were the first cousins and this type of marriages unfortunately used to be typical and was encouraged among the Muslim families. They both were raised in a broken family. My dad’s mother dyed at the age of 22. My mother’s father abandoned his family and my mom remembers him very slightly. It was during the depression, the economy was poor and approximately 70% of people were unemployed and lots of people were dealing with great deal of debts and many were bankrupted. My grandfather was an international merchant and had great deal of debts and was unable to meet any of his financial obligations. He was a heavy smoker and was suffering with emphysema. The pressure on economy, lack of medicine, family problems had made life unbearable for my grandfather.

My dad was penniless and had neither education nor had any skills. When he got married he asked his father for a financial support so he can start off a business to support his family.  His dad shook his head-said son you are richer than I am. My dad said look; I have nothing- I am penniless. My grandfather replied but you do not owe anybody any money. After, a year of my parent’s marriage, I was born in a confused, poor and devastated family.

When I was 6 months old my parents moved from Kashan to Arak. My parents had to move in and to live and with my grandfather in very small house. There was lack of medicine, shortage of doctors and there were no hospitals in that small town. Seven out of ten children used to die for one reason to other. My mom was inexperienced and claims she knew nothing about taking care of babies. She was 14 years old when I was born; she was a kid herself. She tells me she did not know what to do with me when I was sick. She claimed she used to get devastated anytime I was crying or I was sick. She was so naïve, for example, when I was hiccupping she used to run to the nearest neighbor crying for help, she thought I am getting ready to die.

My dad opened up a small shop in the heart of city of Arak, bazaar. He started by selling materials that were used to weave Persian carports. He was inexperienced but was hard working man and determined to get rich. In spite the bad economy, my father business started to grow slowly. He used to work 12 hours per day 6 days a week. When he used to come home he was exhausted. He was confused and trying hard to hold his head above the water in order to survive and feed his family. He had short fuses and smallest problems at home could trigger his angers. He was interested for his children to get education since he had no opportunities to do so. He was very concern that we do well at school. When I was 7 years old he wanted to see if I have memorized the history course well enough for next day. He approached and asks me to show him that how good I have memorized the history. He opened the book and expected me to repeat word by word as the subject was written. There was no way I was able to memorize that subject word by word. He got angry, while he was shouting very loud, stated punching me in the nose as many times he could. My nose was bleeding hard that my mother had a hard time to stop it from bleeding. When he used to come home my sister and I used to hide till we were called for the meals. He believed with the regular physical punishment the children get better disciplines and meet the cultural and out dated family values. So, he never hesitated to halt the power of his physical disciplines. I remember one day my sister Nahid was moving a sake of cucumber around the room he got so angry. Nahid was about 6 years old; she had long beautiful hair dropping off all the way bellow her shoulders. He got so angry; he grabbed her by her hair and swung her around and through her on the floor. While she was screaming, I saw part of her hair was pulled out and left in my dad’s hand.

Soon, my dad had saved enough money to buy a small inexpensive house. He was happy to get away from his ailing father and demanding stepmother.  He was a smart businessman and was good about the art of dealing with people and managing his money. My mother also was conservative and helping him to move forward. We never had any toys, my toy were playing with outside mud or left over outside rubbish and scrapes. As a child I was fascinated about cameras. It was rare for any family to own any cameras. We had no allowances, nor we were permitted to work outside. During the celebration of New Year, we used to get lucky by receiving small amount of money. That was the only money that we had to save and spend it during the course of the year. The only time we were allowed own a pair of shoes and inexpensive cloths was right before the celebration of the New Year (March 20). We were ecstatic to retrieve the new pair of shoes and any kid of pants or shirts. As a child we could not sleep because of joy and the excitements for owning new shoes.

Although Iran was reach in oil, but the poverty, disease, lack of medicines were major obstacles for almost everyone. The Iranian oil was under British control and the country was not benefiting any from the natural resources. There were shortage of water and food. Seven out of ten children either died because mal nutrition or common sicknesses. The quality of life was unbearable and everyone struggled to survive. There was shortage of water and the drinking water was contaminated with all sort of bacteria. Therefore, the common diarrhea smallpox diseases especially among children were running extremely high. Often, many children died due to the lack of health care and medicine before they reach to the age of 3 or 4.   As I look back, I believe it was a miracle that we were managed to survive. As I take the innovatory of our lives I am stunned that to be alive due to that much dreadful sufferings.  

The town was small and no entertainment was for any one. The most popular entertainment was that our parents used to get together drink tea and gossip about one another. As a child we had to accompany our parents and sit quietly and listen to there boring conversations.  There was small Movie Theater in that town. There were not any sort of entertainment but a small isolated cinema with the back and white pictures. 

The pictures were often were in foreign language and we did not know what they were talking about but we used to enjoy them. No television, no taxies, but few horse buggies were available to carry people around.  There were radios, very few were able to afford to Owen one.  Often we had to go to the neighbor’s house to listen to for a short time.  We were forbidden to touch animals such as dogs or cats. We were thought you should hit them with the rocks whenever you are near by one. Unfortunately, as a child it was as a pastime for us to find the poor starving animals and harass them. There were so many poor homeless dogs and cats were running around and starving and begging for scraps. At night we used to hear the sound of crying and starving animals that were running all over the town and begging for scraps to survive.  No body used to believe or dare to adopt any animals, because that were considered to be unclean and that was against of their stupid religion beliefs. If you happened to adopt any dogs and cats you were subject to be find or received the jail sentences.

My dad business started to grow more and my dad was in a better mood. But his physical abuse was not fated out. I loved weight lifting; there was not any gem back there. At the age of 16 with the little saving that I had, I went to junkyards and bought few old heavy scrap gears and a rod. I came home and made small gym. I bought books about bodybuilding, I was hopping I will be able to be a body builder one day. I was getting stronger, and was proud of my body. I remember, one day my dad got mad at me because, I was not moving fast enough. He was yelling and screaming and approached me to hit me, I stopped him and loudly worn him do not touch me again. I never receive any more physical abuses. 

Bardot

 Little boy Mark  (OMID): 

Omid was one in the million, the most dynamic that memories that he has put behind the are hallmark of my life.  Omid was the most adventures, funniest and the loveliest the baby and kid that any parents dream to have one. When he was born he illuminated my dull life. I was feeling sort of lonely and homesick prior to his arrival. I was dealing wit so much emptiness prior to his arrival. This gift of God had made me to be not only a very proud Father but also grateful Dad as well.

His birth on March 19, 69, which happened to be the Bicentennial of the America, added special rainbow of color to my life. He was so cute that in the public he used to attract the attention of so many people as they were passing by. His big black eyes with the reveling magical baby smile used to put a smile on almost any one the were looking at him. His daily act were so funny that used to help me with the daily emptiness, Since he was 6 months old I discovered he had very warm, loving and funny personality. The hourly hugs with the endless kisses used to open up the gate of paradise to my life.  Although he could not talk when he was baby I used to pass by McDonalds Restaurant he could recognize by the color of the buildings. He used to point out with his finger and loudly asking to stop by for a treat. He had a pacifier that he used to love to use it and carry it with him everywhere that we happened to go. When he got older it was virtually impossible to confiscate that pacifier. For months we reviewed our strategy to come up with the plan so he could not get depressed too much when the pacifier was separated. Finally, at age of approximately, three years, we managed to takeaway the pacifier. The first few days, he was devastated and was crying his heart out. I was very depressed to see him upset for a while.

  We were not having much money when he was about 2 years old. We tried to buy as much toys for him as we could, but naturally he used to ask for more. One day I sat down wit him, when he was about two. I said look honey; we do not have much money because I am still at school, so you have been more conservative. He was so funny he said hey dad no problem you don’t need to use money for me just write a check instead. I remember when he was sick we took him to the Dr. when the Dr. approached him to give him a shot he ran under the Dr. desk to hide. He was crying so hard that I was devastated to see him to be so paranoid. He was screaming and saying- hey Dad whey do you allow the Dr. to do this to your only son? Around age of two years, We were traveling to come to Niagara Falls from North Carolina, he was funny—he repeated saying I don’t like my dad everyday I like him now.

He was so sociable that most every neighbor used to know him. We used to live at the apartment complex in Greensboro NC. He used to ride a plastic big wheel around the apartment buildings almost everyday. He was a welcome kid to the new neighbors.  When any new neighbors used to move in he used to stop by and greet them.   The neighbors used to recognize me and call me Omid’s Dad not by my name. We had a big swimming pool within the apartments. I usually, used to take him to the swimming and try to teach him how to swim. When he was around three years old he managed to learn to swim. Today, the power of his swimming skills is the reflection of my influential swimming lessons.

When he heard, that his new brother was born, he was overjoyed, when I revealed the birth of Matt, he was jumping up and down. He admitted having a brother is so much better than having a sister.

He used to have a pet rabbit that he adored, I remember one day during the course of hot summer season, accidentally; the rabbit was in the cage without the water under the sun. When we returned, unfortunately, his loveable pet was dead. Omid was devastated; he was crying so hard and grieving over the unexpected loss.  It took while to calm my son down and convene him about law of nature and death. Finally, he agreed to have a small informal memorial service for him. Gracefully, we carried him to the peaceful area to put him to rest. We decorated his grave with bunch of fresh flowers. We put him behind knowing he is in heaven and having fun.

When we moved from Greensboro to Fayetteville NC, we bought a house which the back yard was going into the pound. And the other side of pound was dominated with lot of trees.

Omid was trilled to fish, hunt and explore the nature daily. I never forget when one day when I came home he had caught a rattlesnake and keeping him in the cage for me to see. He was so proud of his achievement. He was wondering how we are going to dispose the poison creature. Finally, we decided to execute the snake and putting him to rest

We bought him a go-cart for the Christmas. With the quite neighborhood I felt he could enjoy riding around the cart. One day, late afternoon he came went to bed. Jewell, and I wondering whey he is going to bed so soon without dinner.  Next day next-door neighbor, whom happened to be an attorney called up and reporting his passenger car door was broken. He claimed that while they were opening the door Omid collided into the door. The door was dismantle and asking for the damage. I was grateful to God Omid was unharmed   

My Journey to America

 I was unable to sleep the night prior to my departure to the USA due to the fear, anxiety, ambiguity  and more. That night they had organized a big Goodbye party for me. They had invited more than hundred from family and friends. There were approximately 200 friends and family had travel as far as 300 miles from Tehran. Some of them were invited for the formal dinner party. The music was loud lot of people were dancing.   The Persian dance, which is somehow like monkey dance, was under way to ease the emotional tension among many including my mom. I was trying very hard to pretend I am exited over this journey. But God knew, the magnitude of my apprehension and the cloud of tension within me. I was smiling and acting like a clown- but no one knew what was happing inside me.

For a moment, I left the guest went outside of the house to get some fresh air. I had a second thought- may be I should through the towel and hell with the decision.  My mind telling me go ahead give it up- my ego was encouraging me to go forward.

 Next day I woke up at six AM. The sound of crying of my mother along with the sad images of the rest was not unnoticeable. The Teheran weather was fogy and as usual smoggy. There were table full of breakfast ready. But no one had any appetite to eat anything due to the tension. Ali my oldest brother was an infant and was sleeping soundly. They decided to leave him with a babysitter when we were going to the Airport. There were more than 200; friends and family members were escorting me to the airport. The sound of crying and humming of many were sounded like an informal funeral service. I felt that they were conducting a  funeral service for me while I am alive. 

 I tried hard to put a show that I am exited and looking forward to face the new challenges. But my heart was tumbling so fast that I felt it is going to burst open. I was telling myself what the hell I was thinking before. At airport, although there were not any security check point but were crowded and moving slowly. Fortunately, the noise of the crowd did damper the sound of crying of my mother. I was booked by PanAm and finally was boarded to the aircraft around 10:00AM.

This was my first time experience to fly; when I was enter the inside of the aircraft, a beautiful blond air line attendance wearing navy uniform and matching hat greeted me. I was unable to speak English, but boy she was attractive. I had an opportunity to be near a beautiful blond before. Her sweet smile made my anxiety to drop down and relax a little bet.

The aircraft took off and once the aircraft reach to an appropriate altitude, the flight attendances rolling down the breakfast cart. The trays of breakfast were handed out. It was interesting for me to see some items that I had never seen before. Among them was the grapefruit that amazed me. The flight attendances those days were very warm and helpful. They put extra efforts to entertain the passenger, especially for long international trips.   Often they stopped by and used to ask if we need more food. Since, I could not understand the language, when they used to ask me anything, I used to say, “YES”. Boy- how can anybody to say NO to those beautiful ladies. As a result of my “YES” responses, several times extra foods were delivered to me. At one point, I was full, and getting tired of receiving extra food over and over. But, I did not know how to say I am full stop bringing more damn food. I was getting sick and felt I am getting stomach aches . At one point, I decided to pretend that I am sleeping, so she can by pass me and not feed me again. Every time, I felt that food cart rolling down and getting near my seat, I closed my eyes and acted like passum. Almost, the rest of the trip, I played this game over and over, who knows, she probably thought at one point I was dead. Nobody sleep that much. 

The airplane stopped first at Beirut for a short time. Those days were no security inspection when passengers were arrived. I walked out to the airport transit terminal section when I saw people speaking Arabic; boy it was interesting to hear that language.  Shortly, after a brief stop we were boarded back to our seats, and the plane took off.

My anxieties thought were not diminished. I was scared; I was not sure how I am going deal with my new future.  I was asking myself would be able to make it or manage not to.  I was tired and terrified looking around and wondering where in the hell am I, is this dream or what?  I was wondering if I have no money how I am going to live. I was unsure if I get sick, how I will deal with that. I was worrying about the adaptation to the new culture. I was concerned about getting used to the new foods, new environments, new town, new education, new weather and many more. The whole new blue print of my new life was 180 degree different from where I used to live.  The language problem was big obstacles that was dominating my thoughts and was eating me up.  Finally, I went to sleep again. When I woke up we were getting to land in Paris due to the mechanical problems.

We were escorted to a new Pan Am plane that was waiting and expecting us. After short period it took off toward New York City- Kennedy International airport. I was terribly existed and felt, I have to have headache.  I tried to ignore it at first, but finally like a lost hearing-impaired asked the flight attendance for an aspirin. I took the pills and passed out like a dead dog.